I'm having another one of those days. Where you just. Hate. Everything. Things I hate RIGHT NOW:
1) God
2) Society
3) My mom
4) My grandparents
5) My self
6) My body
7) My sister
8) My sister's boyfriend
9) Women
10) Men
11) Christians
12) Edward
13) Sex
14) My cat, my fish, my friends, life, life, life
You get the idea. It sucks. And I'm not joking either. Maybe I was on #12, but how can you not joke to get through times like this? If I went to a therapist, which I probably should, they would tell me some textbook advice along the lines of, "love yourself." "Be who you are." "Stop worrying."
It's just so damn hard to love yourself, when so many people hate yourself. That doesn't even make sense, but who cares. I hate grammar, too. And why should people matter? Why should I care if someone hates me? I have never understood why I turned out to be gay, when I have such an overwhelming desire to simply be liked by everyone. So. Pathetic. If YOU have a problem with me, then EYE have a problem with me. It shouldn't work like that. And because of who I am, I automatically assume everyone hates me. This is probably why I have problems functioning in the "real world." I should be able to set aside the differences, and continue on with life. But instead I turn to hatred. What else can I do, when I was brought up to believe that the creator of all life, which includes me, not only doesn't like who I am, but hates me. Abhors me. Picks on me and calls me names, like Abomination. Sodomite. Adulterer. Sinner.
Well you know what? Fuck. You. God.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Am I Atheist or Agnostic?
For a while after I lost my wings, I thought of myself as an Agnostic. I wasn't really sure if God existed or not, didn't really care, and it didn't really matter because we'll never know. Or at least that's what I told myself.
But I've always wanted to believe in God. Growing up, I kept making excuses for my own religion. I would have to say, "oh, they were just being metaphorical here" when something in the bible didn't make sense, like the creation story or the Flood. My scientific mind would try to turn to reason and allow for the shortcomings of the bible. For example, I would say "Well, we don't know how long a "day" is in the creation story, what if it was a million years? And that way if evolution is true, it is still supported by the different stages of animal creation." Or I would say "Ok, let's assume that an old man built a boat and collected two of every "kind." Then it seems reasonable that these pairs of animals were able to repopulate the planet."
But I was just lying to myself. If you are going to make excuses for parts of the bible, you are already on your path to losing your wings. Take the story of the Flood for example. There is no way story can be possible through scientific OR biblical beliefs. We are 1st to assume that the only period of creation was in the first couple of days of the earth's existence, and God didn't create any more animals afterward, especially after the flood. Now you have 2 paths to take:
1) Noah only collected two of every "kind" like the bible says, and from these, their offspring were able to produce the 2 to 100 million different species we see today, or
2) Noah in fact was able to collect 2 of every species that we see today and keep all of these on the boat.
Either way you look at it, the biblical story is a contradiction. If you accept path 1 like many scientific-leaning Christians do, you are already opening the doors of evolution, which is a big no-no. If you tell yourself that these original pairs kept producing life that were able to adapt and change in order to better suit the environment they lived in, and eventually give rise to the millions of species we have on the planet now, then you should be reading Darwin instead. And if you take path 2, which I think a fundamental Christian would have to take, you still have some issues to consider. How would Noah be able to collect a pair of every species on earth (not including aquatic animals)? At a minimum, this would mean a couple million animals on a boat. The bible already gives us an approximation to how big the ark was. It wasn't the size of the titanic. We can say God was able to allow this miracle through his grace, but again, you are making excuses, because the bible doesn't say that he had to create some imaginary shrinking spell. It says they even had stretching room.
I guess what I'm trying to get at, is if you are having these battles in your head, you need to stop lying to yourself. If you only believe in the "good" parts of the bible, like the new testament, then again you are being hypocritical. Religion is supposed to be an all-or-nothing thing. You can't make excuses for the parts you don't like, or decide where God was being metaphorical or literal. Stop fighting with yourself. 1st accept the fact that you may not believe in God, and then go from there.
But I've always wanted to believe in God. Growing up, I kept making excuses for my own religion. I would have to say, "oh, they were just being metaphorical here" when something in the bible didn't make sense, like the creation story or the Flood. My scientific mind would try to turn to reason and allow for the shortcomings of the bible. For example, I would say "Well, we don't know how long a "day" is in the creation story, what if it was a million years? And that way if evolution is true, it is still supported by the different stages of animal creation." Or I would say "Ok, let's assume that an old man built a boat and collected two of every "kind." Then it seems reasonable that these pairs of animals were able to repopulate the planet."
But I was just lying to myself. If you are going to make excuses for parts of the bible, you are already on your path to losing your wings. Take the story of the Flood for example. There is no way story can be possible through scientific OR biblical beliefs. We are 1st to assume that the only period of creation was in the first couple of days of the earth's existence, and God didn't create any more animals afterward, especially after the flood. Now you have 2 paths to take:
1) Noah only collected two of every "kind" like the bible says, and from these, their offspring were able to produce the 2 to 100 million different species we see today, or
2) Noah in fact was able to collect 2 of every species that we see today and keep all of these on the boat.
Either way you look at it, the biblical story is a contradiction. If you accept path 1 like many scientific-leaning Christians do, you are already opening the doors of evolution, which is a big no-no. If you tell yourself that these original pairs kept producing life that were able to adapt and change in order to better suit the environment they lived in, and eventually give rise to the millions of species we have on the planet now, then you should be reading Darwin instead. And if you take path 2, which I think a fundamental Christian would have to take, you still have some issues to consider. How would Noah be able to collect a pair of every species on earth (not including aquatic animals)? At a minimum, this would mean a couple million animals on a boat. The bible already gives us an approximation to how big the ark was. It wasn't the size of the titanic. We can say God was able to allow this miracle through his grace, but again, you are making excuses, because the bible doesn't say that he had to create some imaginary shrinking spell. It says they even had stretching room.
I guess what I'm trying to get at, is if you are having these battles in your head, you need to stop lying to yourself. If you only believe in the "good" parts of the bible, like the new testament, then again you are being hypocritical. Religion is supposed to be an all-or-nothing thing. You can't make excuses for the parts you don't like, or decide where God was being metaphorical or literal. Stop fighting with yourself. 1st accept the fact that you may not believe in God, and then go from there.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
An argument with a ghost 2
Here are some more comments I'd like to talk about.
"Its not that these people shouldn't be loved/accepted. I do not have a problem with them as humans, however i do not agree with them trying to make their lifestyle seem normal. What happens to the straight child that they raise? I cry for that child. They will make their lifestyle seem normal to that child.. There is a reason why two men/two women cannot conceive. IT IS NOT NORMAL." ~Dan
Oh Dan, you are very interesting. At first, you want to try to come off as someone who is fine with homosexuality, which you obviously aren't. I hate it when people start off gay arguments with "I don't have a problem with people being gay, BUT...." But what? You JUST said you didn't have anything against it, so you should either say what you just said without the "but," or quit lying to everyone.
As a gay person, I'm not trying to convince people that homosexuality is normal behavior, because it obviously is not (hey, I don't always agree with the rest of the gay community). I mean, by definition, how can it be normal if only at most 10% of people are gay? I will accept the statement "homosexuality is normal" when maybe 51% of the population is gay (which will probably never happen). But just because something isn't normal, doesn't mean it's wrong or unacceptable. I'm sure there is something in everyone's life that is by definition "weird" or unnatural. Maybe you like mint chocolate ice cream. Not everyone does. But the majority isn't taking away your right to purchase mint chocolate ice cream, to take it home with you and eat it, or to even make it yourself. You can walk around in public with your mint chocolate chip ice cream, and what are the people who don't like it going to do? Probably look at you funny and say "ew, I don't want that." Well, that's fine. Then don't have it. It would seem silly to remove mint chocolate chip ice cream from vendors just because the majority of people don't like it (I think you get the analogy).
I do find it interesting that you label the child as a "straight child." Are we all born straight then? He can't grow up to be gay? My opinion on the whole "born gay or straight" thing is that we are just born. As we grow up, we see that we have a mommy and daddy, and accept this as normal behavior. But everyone has a different brain, which reacts differently to the same situations. Everyone has a body that reacts differently to different levels of hormones that are produced in the womb and during adolescence. You do understand that there is such a thing called a hermaphrodite, right? How in the world do they fit in God's book (interestingly, there are references to eunuchs in the bible, but we still don't know definitively what they mean). Obviously hermaphrodites deviate from the norm due to biological and genetic differences. What is a hermaphrodite supposed to be attracted to, since they have parts of both sexes? If we are assuming that God has/had control over the rules of biology when he created the laws of science for this world, I find it interesting that he would leave room for a person to be confused on their own sex. We all know how conservatives feel about gender roles. A man is supposed to act like a man and a woman is supposed to act like a woman. Black and white. If there is any ambiguity about a person's sex, then, well... Sucks for them...
You are correct Dan, a man cannot conceive with a man. But we'll keep tryin'!! (Sorry couldn't help myself) But some straight couples cannot conceive either. What if someone is sterile. Should they be allowed to adopt? After all, they can't get pregnant through "normal" methods. I find it interesting that we accept adoption done by single people, and have empathy for single parents. But the minute we add another person in the mix who happens to be of the same sex, everyone has something to say.
"Simply turn off the television. Satan is in everything and today's media and internet allow him to infiltrate our lives even more. I can simply do that. Please do not ask me though to become more tolerant or change my views. Last I checked, God hasn't changed his viewpoint on the subject. Just because we now live in the 21st century, people somehow think things should be acceptable." ~Austin
Um, wow. You just had to through Satan in the mix didn't you. Fine... You know, I'm not really asking you to change your views. You can continue hating homosexuals and anything that the bible says is wrong. The problem is that you are voting in a way that denies rights to certain people. Last time I checked, our country doesn't have an official religion (according to wikipedia: "The United States is officially a secular nation; the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution guarantees the free exercise of religion and forbids the establishment of any religious governance.") Non-Christians get married all the time. Why don't Christians have a problem with that? Buddhists get married in America. Christians even let those who "kinda believe in God just in case hell exists" to use their CHURCHES! Isn't that crazy? These people definitely aren't going to continue on with life being a child of the Lord, spreading the good word, living by its standards, so why are they allowed to get a tiny piece of paper that states that they are "married?" Oh right, because it's a man and a woman.
"I am sorry for the little child , but God will have His way and deliver the kid from these two confused men. If you think two men or women can make a marriage, I suggest you should starting eating from through your nose or ears. My hope is that God can still deliver all the gay people. God is able to do thru His son Jesus Christ. I am praying for you all." ~Kings
I don't even know what to say here... I think what many people try to argue is that, because a man and man or a woman and woman can't have sex the same way that a man and a woman can, that they aren't able to love each other, or that their love isn't the same. That's kind of hypocritical, isn't it? I mean, the bible tells us that sex isn't supposed to be about the actual carnal act, but about the union with our partner and God (a holy threesome?). So being anti-gay because a another woman can't cram her penis into another woman's vagina is kind of... weird? I'm not sure what to call it because my brain was clouded for a moment by that image... It's like saying we aren't allowed to use a wrench as a hammer (which I have done before. And guess what, it got the job done. Sure, the method was a little different. It seemed kinda weird at first. But that wall didn't seem to mind HOW it gave itself up to that nail so easily.)
"Sin is Sin weather you are so called- Gay or Straight. If you violate God's law you are committing Sin. God is not pleased as we continue to justify Sin. People are so wrapped up in their own pursuit of happiness they violate God's law on a daily basis. I think Christians miss the mark when they say they hate Gay's.. I hate the sin you commit but I can't hate the person. Remember Jesus ate with the sinners not the righteous. If you are Gay... God loves you but he has a better plan for your life than your immediate gratification. Don't get caught up in what hateful Christians tell you Find God then follow his direction and he will direct your path." ~Greg L
Are you trying to say that God can "fix" a gay person? Because as I said earlier, a person can still be gay whether or not they have gay sex. You aren't attracted to men, correct? Then you are by definition a heterosexual. And when you were sitting at your computer typing that comment, even though you weren't having sex (hopefully), you were still a heterosexual. So the bible is telling us that homosexuals have 2 choices: 1) Comment sodomy and go to hell, or 2) Don't commit sodomy and go to hell. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe....
That's all I can't take for now.
"Its not that these people shouldn't be loved/accepted. I do not have a problem with them as humans, however i do not agree with them trying to make their lifestyle seem normal. What happens to the straight child that they raise? I cry for that child. They will make their lifestyle seem normal to that child.. There is a reason why two men/two women cannot conceive. IT IS NOT NORMAL." ~Dan
Oh Dan, you are very interesting. At first, you want to try to come off as someone who is fine with homosexuality, which you obviously aren't. I hate it when people start off gay arguments with "I don't have a problem with people being gay, BUT...." But what? You JUST said you didn't have anything against it, so you should either say what you just said without the "but," or quit lying to everyone.
As a gay person, I'm not trying to convince people that homosexuality is normal behavior, because it obviously is not (hey, I don't always agree with the rest of the gay community). I mean, by definition, how can it be normal if only at most 10% of people are gay? I will accept the statement "homosexuality is normal" when maybe 51% of the population is gay (which will probably never happen). But just because something isn't normal, doesn't mean it's wrong or unacceptable. I'm sure there is something in everyone's life that is by definition "weird" or unnatural. Maybe you like mint chocolate ice cream. Not everyone does. But the majority isn't taking away your right to purchase mint chocolate ice cream, to take it home with you and eat it, or to even make it yourself. You can walk around in public with your mint chocolate chip ice cream, and what are the people who don't like it going to do? Probably look at you funny and say "ew, I don't want that." Well, that's fine. Then don't have it. It would seem silly to remove mint chocolate chip ice cream from vendors just because the majority of people don't like it (I think you get the analogy).
I do find it interesting that you label the child as a "straight child." Are we all born straight then? He can't grow up to be gay? My opinion on the whole "born gay or straight" thing is that we are just born. As we grow up, we see that we have a mommy and daddy, and accept this as normal behavior. But everyone has a different brain, which reacts differently to the same situations. Everyone has a body that reacts differently to different levels of hormones that are produced in the womb and during adolescence. You do understand that there is such a thing called a hermaphrodite, right? How in the world do they fit in God's book (interestingly, there are references to eunuchs in the bible, but we still don't know definitively what they mean). Obviously hermaphrodites deviate from the norm due to biological and genetic differences. What is a hermaphrodite supposed to be attracted to, since they have parts of both sexes? If we are assuming that God has/had control over the rules of biology when he created the laws of science for this world, I find it interesting that he would leave room for a person to be confused on their own sex. We all know how conservatives feel about gender roles. A man is supposed to act like a man and a woman is supposed to act like a woman. Black and white. If there is any ambiguity about a person's sex, then, well... Sucks for them...
You are correct Dan, a man cannot conceive with a man. But we'll keep tryin'!! (Sorry couldn't help myself) But some straight couples cannot conceive either. What if someone is sterile. Should they be allowed to adopt? After all, they can't get pregnant through "normal" methods. I find it interesting that we accept adoption done by single people, and have empathy for single parents. But the minute we add another person in the mix who happens to be of the same sex, everyone has something to say.
"Simply turn off the television. Satan is in everything and today's media and internet allow him to infiltrate our lives even more. I can simply do that. Please do not ask me though to become more tolerant or change my views. Last I checked, God hasn't changed his viewpoint on the subject. Just because we now live in the 21st century, people somehow think things should be acceptable." ~Austin
Um, wow. You just had to through Satan in the mix didn't you. Fine... You know, I'm not really asking you to change your views. You can continue hating homosexuals and anything that the bible says is wrong. The problem is that you are voting in a way that denies rights to certain people. Last time I checked, our country doesn't have an official religion (according to wikipedia: "The United States is officially a secular nation; the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution guarantees the free exercise of religion and forbids the establishment of any religious governance.") Non-Christians get married all the time. Why don't Christians have a problem with that? Buddhists get married in America. Christians even let those who "kinda believe in God just in case hell exists" to use their CHURCHES! Isn't that crazy? These people definitely aren't going to continue on with life being a child of the Lord, spreading the good word, living by its standards, so why are they allowed to get a tiny piece of paper that states that they are "married?" Oh right, because it's a man and a woman.
"I am sorry for the little child , but God will have His way and deliver the kid from these two confused men. If you think two men or women can make a marriage, I suggest you should starting eating from through your nose or ears. My hope is that God can still deliver all the gay people. God is able to do thru His son Jesus Christ. I am praying for you all." ~Kings
I don't even know what to say here... I think what many people try to argue is that, because a man and man or a woman and woman can't have sex the same way that a man and a woman can, that they aren't able to love each other, or that their love isn't the same. That's kind of hypocritical, isn't it? I mean, the bible tells us that sex isn't supposed to be about the actual carnal act, but about the union with our partner and God (a holy threesome?). So being anti-gay because a another woman can't cram her penis into another woman's vagina is kind of... weird? I'm not sure what to call it because my brain was clouded for a moment by that image... It's like saying we aren't allowed to use a wrench as a hammer (which I have done before. And guess what, it got the job done. Sure, the method was a little different. It seemed kinda weird at first. But that wall didn't seem to mind HOW it gave itself up to that nail so easily.)
"Sin is Sin weather you are so called- Gay or Straight. If you violate God's law you are committing Sin. God is not pleased as we continue to justify Sin. People are so wrapped up in their own pursuit of happiness they violate God's law on a daily basis. I think Christians miss the mark when they say they hate Gay's.. I hate the sin you commit but I can't hate the person. Remember Jesus ate with the sinners not the righteous. If you are Gay... God loves you but he has a better plan for your life than your immediate gratification. Don't get caught up in what hateful Christians tell you Find God then follow his direction and he will direct your path." ~Greg L
Are you trying to say that God can "fix" a gay person? Because as I said earlier, a person can still be gay whether or not they have gay sex. You aren't attracted to men, correct? Then you are by definition a heterosexual. And when you were sitting at your computer typing that comment, even though you weren't having sex (hopefully), you were still a heterosexual. So the bible is telling us that homosexuals have 2 choices: 1) Comment sodomy and go to hell, or 2) Don't commit sodomy and go to hell. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe....
That's all I can't take for now.
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